Petrarch

Finals are drawing near and I'm doing all I can not to tank the last few weeks. Looking ahead I'm going to try to stick around the house and work on homework Saturday night to prep my final study guides. I don't know if I'll be able to deviate from my usual aberrent behavior. I can't shake the feeling that I could be missing some crazy drunken debauchery that I'll never have the chance to make up. It's almost an unrequited love.

The American Heritage Dictionary offers only one explaination: "unrequited. adj. not reciprocated or returned in kind". I think it a fair assuption that in colloquial context it can also serve the lovee not aware the true intentions of the lover, or any knowledge the lover's existance.

I can hardly recall the last time I truely felt it. Sometimes looking at old pictures of friends in high school recall that feeling, but it still feels like a story from a book instead of the current reality. It is a haphazardous emotion regardless, a future relationship built in perfect mental blueprints but lacking any form of implementation. The thoughts are purged during the day by simply being too busy. But the design returns to you nightly, sipping your coffee and having a smoke your mind drifts back to it again. It always comes down to a simple dichotomy of whether you really want to know. When you flip the first card, hoping for a "1" or
"2 and draw again" to get out of your base, you're accepting the fact that your opponent will eventually get a Sorry! and in step remove you. Even if you play right the game it is still chance.

Christmas preperations

I'm normally not an impulse buyer and though I had tentively planned on getting one, I bought an 8 ft Christmas tree this weekend. After assembling and lighting I have to admit my house felt a lot more like home, if you drive on 8th in Dinkytown regularly you can see it in our window between 13th and 14th. Right now there are only lights and candy canes hanging from the tree. We're going to be getting red bulbs and an angel to finish it sometime this week.

Revelling in the smell of Christmas, I thought it only right to take a picture in front of it with a thick knitted Christmas sweater. Better yet, all of the guys in the house should take their grandma gifted sweaters and send out it out on cards "Happy Holidays from 1323". I'm sure it would be well received by my parents and relatives, the thought I'm sending out my own Christmas card has some mixed feelings. The one I want to send out now is more of a joke than anything else, but when will it stop being a joke and have an letter accompanying it?

It sometimes feels like you stay the same age and kids just keep getting younger. When are you actually an 'adult'? Most people suggest after college, but most people are only 23. I thought it could be when you get an dog or cat but I have at three friends who are younger than I am with animals--four if you include a hedgehog. Same story with getting married or having a serious job, I can't fathom someone fresh out of school at 23 having any serious responsiblity that I normally attribute to adults. Maybe you have the same fears, problems, and worries at 30 that you do at 20.

The only real way to tell when you've crossed the line is when you legitimately send out your first Christmas card.